The mechanic raised up from under my hood
And he shook his head and said: "This ain't good
Your timing belt's done shrunk one size too small
And those spark plug wires are a little too long
And your main prodsponder's nearly gone
Your injector ports are stripped, and that ain't all
Your torque converter's running low on torque
And that water pump's nearly down a quart
We caught it all in time, so you're in luck"
He said, "I've got the time, and I've got the parts
Just give me the word, and I'm ready to start
I think we can bring her in for uh, eight-hundred bucks"
But don't be downhearted
I can fix it for you, sonny
It won't take too long
It'll just take money
Then he said, "Aren't you that songwriter guy?"
And I said "Yes I am"
He said "So am I"
He set down and played me a song by the grease rack
When he finished singing he gave me a smile
And I closed my eyes and pondered a while
And he said "What do you think?
Now don't hold nothing back"
Well I gave him my most sorrowful look
And I said "This song's got a broken hook
And I can order you a new one from Nashville, but it won't be cheap
And I know you've been using a cut-rate thesaurus
Cause your adverbs have backed up into your chorus
Now your verse is running on verbs that are way too weak"
But don't be downhearted
I can fix it for you, sonny
It won't take too long
It'll just take money
And I said, "Hold on friend
Now I'm not through
I hate to be the one, to give you this news
But your whole melodic structure's done worked itself loose
It's got so many dotted eighth notes in it
I'd keep her under fifty beats per minute
I mean, that's just me talking, it's really up to you
And you've got a bad safety problem
With that dominant chord, with the augmented fifth
Just see how dangerously high it raises you up
So just go on over and work on my car
And I'll sit here by the fan, and chances are
I can straighten this thing out for eight uh, nine-hundred bucks"
But don't be downhearted
I can fix it for you, sonny
It won't take too long
You guessed it
It may be a hit
I like it