Now folks I got this smoking habit see
And I know the habit's bad
But the worse thing about smoking
Is it makes them nonsmokers so mad
They say, "If you gonna puff them things
Go sit in the smoking section, please"
They put us in a ward like a bunch of cows
With the hoof in mouth disease
And all I hear is
"Don't smoke cigarettes
They're bad for you, dude"
Well, that may be friends
But I love them
Every way but barbequed
And when I'm ready to quit smoking
Don't worry it'll be a breeze
But right now, friend
Better stick me in
The smoking section please
I'm a slave
He's a slave
I'm a slave
He's a slave
I'm a poor helpless victim
To the thing my body craves
His body craves
Now I know my smoking habit's rotten
And I hate myself for ever starting
But right now friend I could eat a carton
Cause I'm a slave
Now folks back home there was this dude
That would gamble
At the drop of your hat
You know the kind
He has to raise all the time
And cover every bet
Well, one night he was having a run of luck
And all his luck was bad
Done lost his money
Lost his car
He done lost everything he had
And I'm trying to drag him
Out of that poker game
And he's a hanging on to my arm
"Jerry, loan me ten
Help me get back in
I'll win a ribbon bottom farm"
Well, I loaned him ten
Then twenty
Friends they was picking me to the bone
And when I stopped the game
All that remain
Was my cab-fair home
I said, "Hey, if I was stuck with your luck
Believe I'd leave that poker alone"
He said, "Jerry it ain't nothing but dough
And money ain't got no home
Loan me ten"
I'm a slave
He's a slave
I'm a slave
He's a slave
I'm a poor helpless victim
To the things my body craves
His body craves
But there is some good
To come out of this, friend
There's always one bet you can win
You bet this cowboy
Will bet them again
Cause I'm a slave
Well, now I ain't seen my next-door neighbor
In a week or so I guess
Till yesterday and he was all bandaged up
And in this body cast
I said, "Well, from the looks of you, son
Uh, the wreck must have been bad"
He said, "No this is what happens, Jerry
When your old lady gets mad"
He said, "It was last Saturday night
And I was in this bar
Had a blonde on my knee
When I look up and there's my old lady
Looking right down on me
Well, she grabbed that blonde
And they was a having
A championship about
I stood up and said, now honey
Wait a minute
And I never should open my mouth
Cause she come right across my head with a bottle
Yelling save that country jive
And what she done to me
Was world war three
And I'm lucky to be alive"
And I said, "Let that be a lesson, son
Maybe this flame will be your last"
He said, "Hey, me and you
Know what I'm gonna do
Soon as I get out of this cast"
I'm a slave
He's a slave
I'm a slave
He's a slave
Don't put the pressure on me
It effects how I behave
How he behaves
I love them short fat skinny ones
I like them brunets
I love the blonds
I can't help it
It's a lot of fun
I'm a slave
He's a slave
I'm a slave
He's a slave
I'm a poor helpless victim
To the thing my body craves
His body craves
Well, I was laying in the floor
Half killed asking myself
Was it worth the thrill?
Will you do it again?
You know I will
Cause I'm a slave
Uh, hello, sugar babe
Uh, you ain't got a cigarette on you, have you?
Yeah, well, I guess borrowing ten
Is out of the question, ain't it?