Well, now Bill Jackson went to poor old Dub
To join the uptown poker club
And he cursed the day
He ever told anybody he joined
Cause his money used to go
Like it had wings
When he had queens
Somebody else had kings
And every night he'd just sit there
Donating all his coins
He said, "Boys
Now I'm gonna play it right
Tonight I'm gonna watch them cards
And I'm gonna play them tight
And then when I come in there, son
My hand's gonna be a peach"
Well, he played them tight
But after awhile
He done lost his self
A considerable pile
So he got mad, he stood up
And he made this little speech
"Now boys
You see this razor?
Well, I had it sharpened just today
Now I'm coming in here with my rules
That everybody gonna follow when they play
Now you, Clyde
You keep your hands on top of the table
When you're dealing please
Quit taking them little wild cards
And sticking them down there
Between your knees
And Jesse
Quit making all them funny signs
Like you trying to tip off your hand
You better talk to me in American, son
American, so's I can understand
And Leroy
Quit taking them off of the bottom
Oh, that's rough
Just take five off the top then stop
That's enough
Then pass me them cards, son
Let me cut on them things
Every time before you deal
I like to handle them things, boy
I like to see
Cause I got news for you, lad
You ain't playing this game
According that fellow Hoyle there
Uh uh, no
Tonight you're playing this game
According to me"
Well, now a sitting around the table
In that there game
There just happened to be
This old one-eyed man
And Bill kept watching him out
Of the corner of his eye
This old one-eyed cat
He'd been dealing kinda funny
He done took a whole bunch
Of big Bill's money
So Bill rose up and he looked around the room
And with a sigh he said, "Hmm"
Said, "It's an awful shame"
Said, "There's somebody cheating
In this here game"
Said, "Of course it ain't gonna do for me
To stand up here
And mention the guy
So I'll refrain from calling
That party's name
But you let me catch him cheating
Just once again
And I'm gonna take my fist
And I'm gonna close that other eye"
"Now you see this razor?
Well, I had it sharpened just today
Now I'm coming in here with my rules
That everybody must follow when they play
Now Clyde
You keep them bony hands
Up here on top of the table
When you're dealing please
Don't go taking them little wild aces
Sticking them off down there
Between your knees
And Jesse
Cut out making all them monkey signs
You still trying to tip off your hand
You better talk to me in American
Big AA, so I can understand
And Leroy
Quit taking them off the bottom of the deck, son
I tell you that's rough
This is an army game, son
Take five then halt that's enough
Then pass me them face cards over here
Let me cut them things
Every time before you deal
Cause I like to delve in there, son
I got to see
Cause I got news for you, boys
You ain't playing this game
According to that fellow Hoyle there
Uh uh
Tonight you're playing this game
According to me"
"Now then
Seeing as how you all know
That I didn't ride in here
On a head of cabbage
Henry, if you'll break out another deck
Of them Bicycles
Me and the boys will get on
With the business
But keep your eye on that fellow wearing the patch
He holds them cards kinda funny
Ha, ha
If he ain't careful
Somebody around this table
Liable to jack his jaw
Ha, ha, ha
Ah, son
I feel like my luck just changed"